3 Things to Accomplish for New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day

“New Year, Same Me—but maybe with a splash of effort!”

As the clock winds down on the year, we all start panicking about how to make New Year’s Eve epic and New Year’s Day meaningful. But let’s be honest: most of us are just trying to stay awake until midnight without wearing out our elastic-waist pants. Fear not—I’m here with three achievable, hilarious, and shockingly honest goals to kick off the new year right.

1. Win the New Year’s Eve Outfit Olympics (Without Going Broke or Freezing to Death)

Let’s be real: finding the perfect New Year’s Eve outfit is a battle of wits, budget, and meteorology. You want to look like a glamorous disco ball but end up freezing your sparkly butt off waiting for Uber surge pricing to drop. This year, aim for the sweet spot:

• Find something that sparkles and allows you to eat 20 mini quiches without regret.

• Layer like your grandma told you. (No one’s cute with frostbite.)

• Shoes? Wear comfy ones. Trust me, no one cares if they’re designer after 9 p.m. when the champagne hits.

The goal: Dazzle for the pics, survive for the dance floor, and leave with your dignity (and your toes).

2. Perfect the Midnight Champagne Toast (or Fake It Like a Pro)

Whether you’re at a swanky party or your couch with a $12 bottle of prosecco, the midnight toast is the moment. This year, do it right:

• Timing matters: Start pouring at 11:55 p.m., not 12:01 when everyone’s already yelling “Happy New Year!”

• Practice your “clink face”—you know, the smile that says, “I totally didn’t just spill bubbly on my sock.”

• If you’re faking champagne (hello, sparkling cider), hold your glass high and no one will know. Bonus points if you shout “2024, let’s GO!” louder than anyone else.

The goal: Look like you have your life together for the first 20 seconds of the new year.

3. Survive New Year’s Day Like a Pro

Waking up on January 1st is less about “new year, new me” and more about coffee, carbs, and damage control. Here’s the plan:

• Skip the “New Year’s Resolution” nonsense for Day One. You don’t need that pressure while eating leftover shrimp cocktail in your pajamas.

• Take a walk outside—not for fitness, but to prove to yourself that the world still exists and to remind your neighbors you’re alive.

• Clean up your NYE mess… or don’t. Call it “setting the tone for a carefree year.”

The goal: Start your year with grace—or at least with the least amount of chaos possible.

So there you have it: three achievable, semi-serious goals to kick off the year. Whether you’re out on the town or snuggled at home, remember that the real accomplishment is making it through another year with your humor intact. Cheers to you—and to a New Year’s Day spent exactly how you want. Now go forth and sparkle (with or without pants)!