You’re Not a Fixer: When Their Unhappiness Isn’t Your Responsibility

We’ve all been there—a family member spirals into unhappiness, and somehow, you find yourself cast as their scapegoat or savior. Whether it’s their resentment, poor choices, or refusal to move forward in life, they drag you into the storm. You try to help, offering support, advice, and even your precious time. And how do they repay you? By treating you like crap. Sound familiar?

Here’s the truth: you are not responsible for fixing the unhappiness someone has caused for themselves.

When Support Turns Into Abuse

The moment your kindness is met with hostility, manipulation, or outright disrespect, the rules of engagement change. You are under no obligation to stay in a cycle where your efforts to uplift are twisted into opportunities for them to lash out. It’s heartbreaking, especially when it’s family. But here’s a crucial lesson: if someone is committed to their misery, there’s nothing you can do to change that.

You’ve likely extended olive branch after olive branch, only to watch them snap it in half. At some point, you realize that their unhappiness is less about circumstances and more about their refusal to take ownership of their choices.

Game Over: Walking Away Is Okay

It’s not selfish to say “game over.” In fact, it’s one of the healthiest decisions you can make. Walking away doesn’t mean you didn’t care; it means you cared enough about yourself to stop letting someone else’s chaos destroy your peace.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-preservation. It’s a declaration that you value your mental health, your joy, and your energy. You’re not shutting the door forever—you’re simply stepping away until, or if, they choose to change.

Misery Loves Company—Don’t RSVP

Some people are so comfortable in their misery that they’ll do anything to drag you down with them. They want you to join their pity party, validate their excuses, or absorb their negativity. Don’t RSVP. Instead, focus on your own happiness and the relationships that add value to your life.

Permission to Move On

Let me give you something you may need to hear: you have permission to move on. You don’t owe anyone endless chances, especially when they’ve shown you time and time again that they’re not ready to change. Letting go isn’t just about them; it’s about reclaiming your joy, your energy, and your peace.

So, when that family member comes around again, demanding more of your emotional labor without a shred of gratitude, remember this: their unhappiness is not yours to fix. You tried, and that was enough. Now, it’s up to them.

And you? You’re free. Game over.