Living next to “That Neighbor” is like living next to a Lifetime movie villain. You know, the one who smiles in public but secretly plots world domination over a glass of cheap rosé because she can't afford champagne and a spreadsheet tracking everyone’s envy of her. She’s the self-proclaimed Queen of the Cul-de-Sac, but underneath the Instagram-perfect facade lies a woman who binges on overspending, judges you for buying Target candles, and has more skeletons than a Halloween store. Oh, and let’s not forget her dwindling circle of friends who either got tired of her antics or are still drinking the Kool-Aid.

Let’s talk about how to deal with this kind of neighbor—a stalker, bully, or someone who doesn’t know how to "play nice." Because guess what? You’re not stooping to her level. You’re rising above it, sipping your coffee, and letting karma (or her maxed-out credit card bill) do the dirty work. Here’s how to handle yourself with grace, class, and just the right touch of cheeky fabulousness:

1. Channel Your Inner Duchess

When she throws her passive-aggressive remarks your way—like “Oh, I see you’re still parking that car in your driveway”—channel Kate Middleton at a royal garden party. Smile, tilt your head slightly, and reply cheerfully, “Why, yes, isn’t it great how reliable it is?!” Then, turn and walk away. The key is never to give her ammunition. Confuse her with kindness and let her stew in her nastiness.

2. Ignore the Circus, You’re Not a Clown

You know she thrives on drama. Don’t buy a ticket to her one-woman show. Be polite but disengaged when she tries to drag you into her antics—gossiping about the neighbors or showing off her latest over-the-top purchase. “Oh, how nice,” you’ll say as if complimenting an 8-year-old’s macaroni art. Keep it neutral, and never give her the satisfaction of knowing she’s under your skin.

3. Document, Darling, Document

If things get out of hand and she starts venturing into stalker territory (like peeking over the fence to see what you’re grilling for dinner), keep a little record. Not because you’re petty but because receipts are always classy. You’re not going to use them... unless you have to. Think of it as your very own Nancy Drew moment.

4. Kill Them with Kindness... and Bakeware

You don’t need to be friends, but you can be civil. Want to throw her off her game? Drop off a sweet little gift with a note that says, “Just because!” She’ll either be suspicious for weeks or realize her behavior doesn’t bother you. Either way, you’re winning.

5. Embrace the Power of Silence

When she tries to provoke you with her “holier-than-thou” attitude or subtle digs, remember that silence is golden. Sometimes, the best response is no response. Smile that Mona Lisa smile of yours, saying, “I know something you don’t,” and let her spiral, trying to figure out what it means.

6. Laugh It Off

When she’s busy parading around pretending to be the neighborhood saint while you know the truth, let it amuse you instead of irritating you. Picture her as a character in your reality TV show, and imagine how ridiculous she’d look under the bright lights. A little humor goes a long way in keeping your sanity intact.

7. Trust in Karma

Here’s the best part: you don’t have to do anything. People like her eventually dig their holes. Whether it’s running out of people to manipulate or realizing that overspending doesn’t equal happiness, karma has a way of catching up. All you have to do is sit back with a glass of wine and enjoy the show.

8. Class Over Chaos

Remember, grace is your secret weapon. You don’t need to clap back, get petty, or lose your cool. You’re the kind of person who radiates class, even in the face of nonsense. You don’t need to match her energy—yours is too valuable.

Dealing with someone like her is a reminder of how not to live. Be kind and calm, and keep your head high. Let her waste her energy maintaining her appearance while you enjoy your life. Because in the game of life, authenticity wins every time.

Oh, and if all else fails? Invest in a good pair of blackout curtains. You know, for those moments, she’s lurking outside pretending she’s not. 😏

Who’s Afraid of the Neighbor Next Door? Not You!