When to Get to the Airport: The Stress, The Strain, and the Secret to Surviving TSA (With a Smile)

Let’s talk about airports, shall we? You know, those magical places where time ceases to exist, and your life is suddenly a blur of passport flipping, shoe removal, and whispered prayers that your 3-ounce bottle of shampoo doesn’t actually look suspicious. The airport is a circus, and the TSA checkpoint is the grand finale.

When Should You Get There?

 Most people say, “Arrive two hours early.” But let me tell you, airport time is like dog years. Two hours in normal life feels like enough time to cook dinner and binge-watch a season of Friends. But two hours at the airport? It’s like standing in a parallel universe where you will have to choose between sprinting to your gate or calmly accepting that you’re now living in Terminal B forever.

 If you’re like me, you’ll ask yourself, “Is two hours really enough?” So, you arrive three hours early, because clearly, you’re a responsible adult… and, you know, also terrified of being That Person running barefoot to gate C24 as your name echoes over the intercom. But guess what? You’re too early. You breeze through security so fast that you’re suddenly staring at a Hudson News stand for an hour, debating if you need a $7 bottle of water or a neck pillow shaped like a giraffe. 

 Security Line Stress: The Real Airport Olympics

If you’ve ever been in line for TSA, you know it’s like a game show: Will Your Belongings Make it Through the Conveyor Belt of Doom? Cue the music! 

 You start off feeling confident. You wore slip-on shoes, you have your ID ready, and your liquids are in a cute little Ziploc bag like a pro. But then, chaos erupts. Someone in front of you forgot to remove their laptop. The guy behind you is trying to take his belt off without making eye contact with anyone. Your bag has mysteriously been flagged for a “secondary check” because of that innocent-looking granola bar. 

 Oh, and don’t forget the awkward juggle of trying to quickly gather all your belongings while also putting your shoes back on while trying not to fall. We’ve all done that penguin shuffle, clutching our bins of dignity.

How to Keep Your Cool

Here’s a little secret: you’re not alone in your airport anxiety. Everyone around you is also internally screaming, “Why is this so stressful?!” So, here are a few tips to keep you smiling, even when TSA is pulling apart your carefully packed carry-on like it’s the final round of a scavenger hunt.

 1. Give yourself more time than you think. If two hours makes you sweat, go for three. Just know you’ll be sitting at your gate for a while, but hey, at least you’re not still waiting in security. 

 2. Plan your TSA strategy. Wear shoes that slip on and off without needing a minor chiropractic adjustment. Place your liquids in a bag you can easily access. And whatever you do, do not forget your laptop is in your backpack when you put it through the scanner. You’ll thank me later.

 3. Bring a distraction. Something to take your mind off the stress. Maybe a book. Maybe a game. Maybe you just scroll through Instagram and laugh at dog videos. Whatever keeps your blood pressure down.

 4. Don’t panic if you get the random pat-down. It’s not personal. I mean, sure, it’s a little awkward, but treat it like you’re the star of your own reality show and roll with it. Bonus points if you say, “Buy me dinner first” when they ask to check your waistband.

 Enjoy the Ride (or Flight)

Getting to the airport is a wild ride of nerves, but it doesn’t have to be a complete nightmare. With the right amount of preparation (and maybe a sense of humor), you can glide through security like a pro—albeit a pro who’s still awkwardly juggling bins of stuff and wondering why this granola bar looks suspicious. 

 At the end of the day, remember: No matter how chaotic the security line feels, there’s a beautiful reward waiting on the other side—duty-free shopping and overpriced sandwiches, of course. So relax, laugh, and make your airport experience as smooth as possible…or at least as entertaining as it can be. 

Safe travels!