The 36 Questions That Keep Us Falling in Love—Over and Over Again
Nearly a decade ago, Mandy Len Catron wrote an essay for The New York Times about the now-famous “36 Questions to Fall in Love.” The idea, rooted in a psychological study by Dr. Arthur Aron, suggests that two people can grow closer—sometimes even fall in love—by answering a series of increasingly intimate questions. It’s a beautiful concept, one that invites vulnerability, curiosity, and connection.
Find the 36 questions here: https://www.preparingtolove.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/36Questions-toIntimacy-1.pdf
But here’s the thing: love isn’t a one-time spark. It’s an ongoing conversation. And in my marriage with TK, these 36 questions aren’t just a fun experiment; they are a practice, a ritual, a reminder that love deepens when we take the time to truly see and hear each other.
The Magic of Asking and Listening
Most couples stop asking each other new questions after a while. Life settles into routines, conversations become transactional—“Did you take out the trash?” “What’s for dinner?”—and before long, the deep, soul-stirring talks that once brought you together become rare, or even nonexistent.
But TK and I love interviewing each other. We revisit these questions, not because we need to “fall in love” again, but because they make us fall deeper. Every time we ask, “If you could wake up tomorrow with one new ability, what would it be?” or “What’s your most treasured memory?” we get to see each other from a new angle. Even after all this time, his answers still surprise me. Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry, but every time, we connect.
Love is a living thing—it grows, changes, and thrives when nurtured. And for us, conversation is how we water it.
Why This Works (And Why So Many Couples Need It)
There’s something powerful about asking questions with real intention. It tells your partner: I care about you. I want to know you. I want to understand you in ways I never have before.
Too many couples stop discovering each other. They assume they already know everything about their partner, but people change. Dreams shift. Life happens. And if you’re not paying attention, you might miss out on who your person is becoming.
When TK and I take time to ask each other these questions—whether on a quiet Sunday morning with coffee or during a long car ride—we don’t just learn more about each other; we remember why we fell in love in the first place.
Falling in Love Isn’t a One-Time Event
I think a lot of people assume love is something you either “have” or don’t. But the truth is, love is a practice. A choice. And it’s made stronger every time you ask, listen, and open your heart a little more.
If you’ve never tried the 36 questions, I encourage you to. Even if you’ve been with your partner for years, you’ll be surprised at what you learn. Maybe you’ll find yourself laughing at an old memory you had forgotten, or maybe you’ll hear something that makes you fall in love all over again.
Because real love isn’t just about knowing someone—it’s about never stopping wanting to know them.
And for TK and me, that’s the most beautiful part of it all.