Oops! Did My Post Just Summon a Ghost?
Let’s talk about exes. Specifically, the kind that just won’t quit. You know the type—lurking in the shadows of your Instagram stories, throwing likes like breadcrumbs, and somehow always “accidentally” sending a text that no one asked for.
It’s funny how the past suddenly wants a front-row seat to your present. Like, sir, you had the whole stadium and fumbled the ball, but now you’re standing outside peeking through the fence?
Exhibit A: The Accidental Text
Oh, the classic! “Oops, wrong person!” they say. Buddy, no one believes that. If you’ve gone out of your way to find my name in your phone (which, frankly, should have been deleted seasons ago), typed out a full message, hit send, and then sat there waiting for a reaction—news flash, that wasn’t an accident. That was an attempt. And it failed.
Exhibit B: The Social Media Lurker
It’s a tale as old as time: An ex who watches everything but engages with nothing. Like, oh, you don’t follow me anymore, but you’re always the first viewer on my stories? Interesting. I could post a blurry picture of a piece of toast, and somehow, within five minutes—boom, there you are. What’s the game plan here? A slow-motion comeback? A digital haunting? Either way, it’s giving Casper, the Desperate Ghost.
Exhibit C: The Mutual Friend Strategy
Ah yes, the oldest trick in the book—staying socially relevant through mutuals. Suddenly, my friend’s cousin’s dog’s birthday post gets a like from you. I post a story with someone from my circle, and there’s your sneaky little comment: “Tell them I said hi!” Sir, no. We don’t deliver messages from the past. This is not a time-travel experiment.
Exhibit D: The Nostalgic Check-In
Somewhere between 11 PM and 2 AM, the “Hey, just thinking about you. Hope you’re doing well” text rolls in. Oh, you were thinking about me? That’s cute. I was thinking about how I finally found peace, and here you are testing its durability. Nice try, but no refunds, no exchanges.
The Bottom Line
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of an ex trying to boomerang their way back into your life via social media creeping, accidental texts, or forced check-ins, just know—you’re not alone. It’s a universal experience, and it’s hilarious.
Because let’s be real: if they wanted to be a part of your life, they would have done it correctly the first time. But instead, here they are, lurking in the digital abyss like a Wi-Fi signal you didn’t ask for.
So, dear ex, if you’re reading this (and we know you are), let me save you some time: You are not the plot twist in this season of my life. Move along.
And if you must haunt my social media, at least bring snacks. We’re all out of breadcrumbs.